For two weeks now I have been getting up early and down to the park to get in some exercise. Here in Washington, it rains a lot so the residents here know how to take advantage of the “rainless” days. I’ve been getting in about 30 -60 minutes of walking and some heart pumping, endorphin rushing stair climbing in. I found that in this rollercoaster ride of emotions that I am on the endorphins have been helping a lot because I could have easily let myself fall into the depression trap.
Yesterday and today I have been thinking about the position that I am in, in this season of my life. I feel as though I am starting over in a lot of ways and not just my belief in religion. As a Christian, my identity was in Christ and everything I did was linked to that. My prayers, my hopes, my vision for my future. Christians believe in prophecy and I had a prophecy that I was standing on to manifest in my life. It never did in the timing I felt it would….the month of April. Instead, God used that as a launching pad out of Christianity. Since the prophecy was stripped from me in that it was a lie and something false I had to reassess my whole life. I felt like the ground under me was shaken. I felt my world had shattered. I felt like I was alone and in the dark with no direction.
In this dark place of coming out of the church, I had to figure out what exactly then did I experience in the church? I’ve struggled with finding the answers but I found them. I went back to the basics of church theology and replaced it all with “Judaistic theology” even though it sounds so farfetched because it just isn’t what I”m used to. It’s not what I was programmed to believe. This brainwashing has been hell more than anything in my life.
I shared with a friend some photographs I took during my sunrise exercise adventures and he was really impressed with my camera skills. He is purchasing two of my photographs and paying me good money for them. He is also meeting me over coffee to discuss how to move forward and start a business for myself. He has been really encouraging and motivational to me in so many ways. He used to be my boss. We had a mutual friend about 5 years ago and he saw something in me that I didn’t and he hired me to work under him. As I did for 2 years we because good friends and I learned a lot from him. He was one of the key players of my life that helped me go from being a negative Nelly to a positive thinker.
This morning I started to think about all the mentors in my life and how this friend Marino has played a big role in pushing me forward into growth. I then started to think back to when I was in High School and just starting life on my own. I had no experience but I had interests. What were those interests? I need to go back to that place and dig up the interests that God put inside of me. I need to uncover those dreams that I had that life had buried. My interests were: softball, riding my bike, walking my dogs, swimming, photography, health, and enjoying life. I also talked to my boss the other day and we talked about what my position could possibly look like in the future and how I might be able to grow on the job. With this and my digging up the past enjoyments, it has given me vision and hope again for my future.
I think next year I will join a co-ed softball team to make some new friends with like-minded interests. I’m going to dust off my bike and get it tuned up and start using the bike lanes around my town. Maybe I can ride the 5 miles to the park, run up and down my stairs that I have been attacking these last two weeks, then ride 5 miles home. I really like health and I think that I might join the “strength gym” in my town that is in an old warehouse. I think I want to get a personal trainer to get me looking good for the next decade of my life.
As a young girl, I always had a passion for photography just never the opportunity. So why not dig in and really learn the ins and outs of my camera that I purchased specifically for doing YouTube videos? I had started a YouTube channel over a year ago just as an experiment and it’s really just been an outlet for me to maybe reach someone else and help them in this life. Today while listening to some motivational speeches Casey Neistat talked about finishing good instead of finishing perfectly. He said that whatever you do you should always at least finish good and not quit because then you’re a quitter and then you live with regret. So I am inspired to keep with the YouTube thing. I’m still going to do my Master Key channel but I’m really going to focus on a food channel as well and then I also have an idea for my photography and a channel for that too. Big things always start with big ideas right? So I will just keep plugging at it and maybe in 3 years or so I might get a small check every month that I can toss into my vacation fund or if a bit bigger into my retirement fund. Who even knows what could happen? But at least I have vision, dreams, and goals again.