I was sharing with an acquaintance that I was reinventing myself. …..they called it a midlife crisis……
I’ve lived my life up until now making choices and decisions based on the knowledge and understanding that I had at the time. But today is very different. I have gained so many experiences and I can look back at choices I made and the outcome of those decisions. I can see the effects of each and every path that I passed up and the paths that I did take.
Have you ever thought, “If only I could do it all over again.”?
I feel like I am at a crossroads of sort. I can either continue on the path I am on or I can set some new goals and pull out my strength when everything in me just wants to stuff that strength and give up.
There are things in my life that I can look at and say, “wow!” because I have matured in so many ways. But on the other hand, there are still things in my life where I need to really grow and mature. These are the things that maybe I have run away from for a season. I think the seasons are changing and its time for me to stop running.
I love my job but it’s just not paying the bills per se. I am debt free and living on a tight budget but then again it seems like no matter what I do I don’t have enough money. So really do I need to make my lifestyle fit my income or do I need to increase my income to fit my lifestyle. And what is it that I really want out of life? Do I want a comfortable life or do I want a simple life? Do I want to continue to live in Washington state or do I want to move to another state and experience the childlike awe of a new place so I can visit the sites and be amazed by new things? Am I just bored with where I live? I’ve been there done that……..
What needs to change in order for me to find my strength?
It’s been 9 weeks since I gave up Jesus and Christianity and it’s really thrown me for a loop. It’s changed EVERYTHING. It’s changed the way I look at my past and my future. It’s changed who I am and who I want to be. Nothing is the same anymore. …..nothing.