9 weeks out

photo of stacked rocks near shore
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I was sharing with an acquaintance that I was reinventing myself. …..they called it a midlife crisis……

I’ve lived my life up until now making choices and decisions based on the knowledge and understanding that I had at the time. But today is very different. I have gained so many experiences and I can look back at choices I made and the outcome of those decisions. I can see the effects of each and every path that I passed up and the paths that I did take.

Have you ever thought, “If only I could do it all over again.”?

I feel like I am at a crossroads of sort. I can either continue on the path I am on or I can set some new goals and pull out my strength when everything in me just wants to stuff that strength and give up.

There are things in my life that I can look at and say, “wow!” because I have matured in so many ways. But on the other hand, there are still things in my life where I need to really grow and mature. These are the things that maybe I have run away from for a season. I think the seasons are changing and its time for me to stop running.

I love my job but it’s just not paying the bills per se. I am debt free and living on a tight budget but then again it seems like no matter what I do I don’t have enough money. So really do I need to make my lifestyle fit my income or do I need to increase my income to fit my lifestyle. And what is it that I really want out of life? Do I want a comfortable life or do I want a simple life? Do I want to continue to live in Washington state or do I want to move to another state and experience the childlike awe of a new place so I can visit the sites and be amazed by new things? Am I just bored with where I live? I’ve been there done that……..

What needs to change in order for me to find my strength?

It’s been 9 weeks since I gave up Jesus and Christianity and it’s really thrown me for a loop. It’s changed EVERYTHING. It’s changed the way I look at my past and my future. It’s changed who I am and who I want to be. Nothing is the same anymore. …..nothing.

3 comments

  1. Do you, perhaps, have someone wise to talk to? I’m not recommending clergy necessarily, just someone with enough of life’s wisdom to help you put this flood of “stuff” into proper perspective. When people leave Christianity they typically are shocked. From a place where everything makes sense and falls into place to a place where they don’t exactly know how to navigate to another place where everything makes sense and falls into place. Until that happens people typically are angry at all others and themselves. I have found many ex-Christians to be REALLY nasty towards Christianity. I’m an Orthodox Jew and I’m telling you NOT to go there. It is going to take time to “settle in” to wherever you’re going. Just keep that in mind and and you’ll be fine. Kol Tuv!

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    • I am connected on Facebook with a bunch of people: William Hall, & a few Rabbi’s and several others who came out.
      I think l have found my footing. Yesterday somethings came together for me in my person circumstances and l am still seeing G-d in the day to day and understanding more from the Jewish perspective. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am not an angry person and so that is definitely not the direction l am going. I more internalize things and work out solutions. I am doing so much better as each day passes. Shalom😊

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      • Larissa

        I see that you aren’t on fb anymore. I am sorry to see that. I hope you are all right. I like reading your post and listening to your videos (even if I don’t agree with some of your posts).

        We have similar interests.
        I do hope that I can get the opputunity to know you better as that is why I gave you my contact info on fb messenger, last week. We are only a few months apart in age and both single, with simliar interest and it would be nice to find some single friends to connect with and perhaps some day hangout in person. I live in Ohio, though, too far from you.

        I really hope you will reach out to me, if you need to chat or would like a new friend.☺ I am here for you.

        Best wishes to you on your new journey.

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