In my confusion, I can keep my stability.
The Healing Plan
Life before church I was lost and confused. I was negative and depressed…hopeless. That is what led me to church.
Now that I no longer have the church I find myself a bit lost and confused again. This time I am positive and have hope.
In the same way that I went from negative to positive, hopeless to hopeful, I can find my way again through another metamorphosis of my thinking.
Transformation isn’t a one-time event it is a lifelong journey. Life is moving forward and so too must I.
I am going to give myself a year to heal. In this year I am going to read and study Torah and Tanakh. I’m going to read all of it and all of the commentary. I am going to pray the way that I see results. I am going to filter through the garbage and confusion and take the things that bear fruit and the things that bring peace and grow me closer to God. I believe that what I learned as a Pentecostal had truth intermingled amongst the lies. It’s time to focus on God again and not on the fallen wall. I need to stop looking at the rubble and get back to work. I need to let go of the past and embrace the future.
I left Christianity because I kept having a scripture run through my mind “a divided house cannot stand”. To me, I took notice of the 35 plus denominations and all of the different theology.
Now as I learn Judaism it seems again there are so many different views and opinions on how to live and walk with God. It still seems to be a divided house.
Today this is my theology it may change tomorrow but here it is…..I have been looking for a clear-cut set pattern to follow to be in a relationship with God. There doesn’t seem to be one. Pentecostals think God has a destiny and purpose for you. Jews believe life is just about bringing light into a dark world. So, for now, my view is “life is what you make it”. ……..I don’t yet know how I want to make my world. …….I’m tired of working so hard to be pleasing to the creator. I think for now I will just enjoy him and let him teach me instead of a man. I want God’s theology, not mans.